Is Chemistry Important In A Relationship?
The simple answer is yes, chemistry is important in order to make a relationship work. It’s what ignites the relationship, so it’s very important. Without it, you only have a friendship. But first, let’s define chemistry. There are two types of chemistry: one is instant chemistry and the other is acquired chemistry. Instant chemistry can either be the beginning of a successful relationship, or it can lure you into a tumultuous relationship with someone who isn’t right for you. However, acquired chemistry is built over time, and it typically results in long-term relationships and/or marriage.
What is instant chemistry?
Instant chemistry is when you’re immediately drawn to a person and there’s an instant connection. You’ll know within the first 30 seconds. You’ll know by their smile, their charisma, their confidence, and their look. You want to touch them, kiss them, and get naked with them. There’s an instant spark and it’s magical. Sometimes, this can indicate the beginning of a successful relationship.
But instant chemistry isn’t always a good thing, and sadly, I’ve seen this time and time again. Instant chemistry often attracts people to the wrong person. I’ve worked with so many women who come to me because they fall for the wrong guy over and over. These charismatic, confident men in hand-tailored suits make them weak in the knees, but they soon learned that he’s the same narcissist they’ve dated before. He’s selfish, and he’s never going to give them what they really want. Eventually, they realize it doesn’t make sense to pursue that instant spark when the same thing happens every single time.
What is acquired chemistry?
Acquired chemistry begins with a great first date and you recognize there’s something there you would like to pursue. There’s no instant spark, and you’re not swooning over them, but they’re a nice person who checks off a lot of your boxes. I’ve even had clients tell me that the first kiss wasn’t the amazing moment they’d hoped for. That’s okay though because sometimes that can be fixed. The more they get to know this person, the more they like them. And before they know it, the sparks begin to fly.
It’s not always easy to get to the point where you acquire chemistry. I see this all the time with my clients. They’re looking for that instant spark, even though it’s failed them before. Sometimes they need a little encouragement to go out with someone who they’re convinced is not their type, and once they’ve seen this person two or three times, they begin to realize there’s something special. I’ve seen those relationships turn into something really beautiful. Eventually, they end up married, with kids, and truly happy. Their chemistry just needed a little nudge.
Can I really grow to love someone?
Let’s be honest, if you’re a 39-year-old woman who has frozen her eggs because you can’t seem to find the right guy, then maybe you need to switch it up. You need to look for different qualities when you first meet someone. Give the nice guy a chance, even if you’re not ready to rip his clothes off ten minutes into the first date.
Truthfully, there will be a lot of very nice, interesting people that you’ll never fall in love with. And if you’re dating a person because they’re nice, but there’s still no chemistry after several dates, it’s time to move on. But you have to give them a chance because there may be that one person that you can grow to love, and you two will have incredible chemistry and a great life together.
At the end of the day, chemistry does matter. But it’s just as important to find someone who will treat you well. One year from now, you could be having dinner at The Ritz in Paris with the wrong person, or you could be at a diner eat French fries with the right guy. You have chemistry with both. Which do you choose?